Name Stories: Yael
The story of an adult client seeking their perfect name
Note: as always when I share a client’s story in Name Stories, I’ve used a pseudonym to protect their privacy. While my client’s name has never been Yael, that name does share several key elements with both the name they used when we met and the names we discussed during our work together.
Yael is a non-binary person in their twenties, living in a major urban area in the northeast United States. They reached out to me last summer seeking some guidance in finding a new name for themself. As they put it in their initial email:
I’m on a journey to reclaim and affirm my identity through a name that reflects who I am today. I’m considering a new name or perhaps an adjustment to my current name that harmonizes with my gender-neutral nickname. I’m not in a rush; I believe in taking my time to find something that truly fits. I’m open to exploring various possibilities, whether it’s a slight modification of my existing name or a completely new name that complements my current nickname.
I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with an adult client—my first time doing so—but almost immediately, I realized I had to admit some limitations in my materials. For the first seven years of my work as a name consultant, all of my clients had been expectant parents! Because Yael was eager to get started, we ended up improvising with my existing parent worksheet (I’ve since revised my materials, and am currently developing a workbook that’s customized for people seeking to name themselves). After they filled out the parent worksheet, we did a fair bit of email correspondence, going back and forth over the details to suss out their taste and figure out what their parameters were.
In our first round of discussion, Yael expressed a few major preferences for prospective names. They wanted something androgynous or femme-coded, and ideally something with identifiably Jewish connections. They decided they didn’t have strong feelings on whether the name felt “conventional” versus “original” (a name that blends in, like Elliot Page, or one that stands out, like Jazz Jennings). They did mention a particular interest in Y names, because that might allow them to continue using their existing Y-based nickname. And—in a step that’s always particularly helpful for me—they included a long list of “maybe names,” including some details on their favorites and some reasons for why they’d crossed other options off the list.
Their list was longer than most I get from clients—almost 40 names. But after I sorted through them, considering how Yael described what they liked and disliked, I saw a few definite themes.
Yael’s preferences.
Linguistic preference. I started by looking up every name on Yael’s list and considering its etymology and meaning. While their list did include some Hebrew names (Amari, Ruth, Selah, Tamar), there were also a great many names from other cultures; a lot of Spanish names (Esperanza, Marisol, Solana) and Arabic names (Alara, Kael, Silan). This suggested to me that their up-front preference for a Jewish name might not actually be the most important element in their calculations. (Spoiler alert: this happens a lot. What people think they want at the start of a name consult shifts and changes as we start exploring further).
Gender-coding preference. Another thing I looked at early on: while the presumptive gender of some names from the list was clear to me (Oliver’s a masc name; Josephine’s a femme name), others prompted me to go look at the data to get a sense of how the name was used. I didn’t know whether Silan was a traditionally male or female name (male, according to a few different websites), or how it was used in the US (almost not at all, according to the Social Security database). I found that while Yael’s list included names that were androgynous, traditionally feminine, and traditionally masculine, the overwhelming majority of the names on the list were either androgynous or femme-coded. This made me think that their stated gender preference was probably fairly accurate to what they wanted in terms of the way a name’s gender would be read.
Etymological preference. They highlighted this element in a few different places, noting that they liked the Hebrew meanings for Selah (“praise” or “pause”) and Silan (which the sources I found connected to the Hebrew word for date syrup, an ancient sweetener believed to be the one referenced in the Torah descriptions of Israel as a “land of milk and honey.” The emphasis on meaning made me consider other names with Hebrew roots that might be similarly distinctive.
Phonetic preference. This was the most subtle element of Yael’s existing list, and the one that took me a little while to spot. While their list of possible names came from many cultures and covered a wide swath in most respects—including some very popular names and some obscure ones, some old-fashioned and some contemporary—I noticed that a substantial portion of them favored two different sounds: the “long I” sound of Maya and Lyra and the “AR” of Alara, Carmen, Harper, and Tamar. With that phonetic insight in hand, I was ready to start putting together a list.
My (first) list for Yael.
As with all my clients, the report I put together for Yael was in-depth (in their case, about 1800 words/4 single-spaced pages) and covered several areas. But as with many of my clients, the heart of the report—the part everyone seems to flip to first—was the list. I spend days brainstorming name options, often coming up with twenty-five to thirty options through a range of different exercises. Then I narrow that list down to the “final set.” In Yael’s case, I recommended fifteen names, of which I’m reproducing twelve here (and redacting the rest for privacy reasons).
Most of the names on my initial list were contemporary Hebrew names. Yael had expressed an interest not only in Jewish names but in ones that reflected Israeli culture, which is an overlapping but not identical subset. So when I put together Yael’s list of recommendations, I included two reference links: one to a list of current popular names in Israel (from Nameberry, one of the most well-regarded American baby name websites), and one on Israeli unisex names from Reddit. Those two lists confirmed for me that Hebrew has a more substantial set of unisex names than English, so I made sure to incorporate a few of them. Lists below are direct quotes from my report unless otherwise noted.
Ari or Ariel. Hebrew, “lion of God.” Ariel ranked #23 for girls and #3 for boys in Israel; ranked #287 for girls and #519 for boys in the US. Ari ranked #463 for girls and #344 for boys in the US. In the United States, this one still carries associations with The Little Mermaid [where it’s a woman’s name]; in Israel it might still be colored by how you view the legacy of Prime Minister Ariel Sharon [a man]. But in both places, it’s a firmly androgynous name, and combines deep Hebrew roots with being familiar enough to Americans that it won’t pose any spelling or pronunciation concerns. So I thought it might at least be worth a look.
Ariyah. Hebrew, “lion.” Ranked #337 for girls in the US, where it’s often seen as an alternate spelling of Aria/Arya (of musical and Game of Thrones fame), but I believe it’s an alternate form of Ariel. And anecdotally, I know a little boy with this name (he pronounces it like Mariah), which suggests there’s at least some degree of androgyny in usage.
Maayan. Hebrew, “spring of water.” Ranked #63 for girls in Israel, but used for both sexes. This one jumped off the Reddit list of androgynous names for me because it felt like it wasn’t that much of a stretch to link it with [your] nickname. Might give you a little trouble with spelling and pronunciation in the United States [it’s pronounced my-YAAN] but I think most people would find it fairly intuitive.
Raz. Hebrew, “the Lord’s secret.” Not ranked in the top 1000 in either country. This one came off the Reddit list of androgynous names, but I put it here because of the awesome meaning. Seems like something that might be fitting for a name that speaks more accurately to your identity.
Shai. Hebrew, “gift.” Ranked #59 for girls in Israel; ranked #997 for boys in the US. Another name that’s listed as mostly androgynous in Israel, which also has one of the sounds you’ve said you like and a meaning that seems particularly meaningful for your circumstances.
Shiloh. Hebrew, “peaceful.” Ranked #87 for boys (though most often Romanized as Shilo) in Israel; ranked #286 for girls and #388 for boys in the US. It’s a celebrity baby name in the United States, but the baby in question is old enough (a legal adult now) that I don’t think she’ll spring to people’s minds immediately anymore. So it’s a biblical place name, with on-trend sounds, very androgynous in feel and familiar enough to be spelled and pronounced correctly by most Americans.
Yaara. Hebrew, “honeycomb.” As Yara, ranked #611 for girls in the US. [The first of the Y names on the list]. I like the meaning of this one a lot, and the sound-alike Yara is also a name in Arabic and a figure from Brazilian mythology. You might have the same double-A spelling problem that I think you’d get with Maayan, but I think it’s probably work-aroundable.
Yafit. Hebrew, “beautiful.” A solid meaning, with a name that’s clearly got Hebrew roots while being easy to pronounce and spell in English.
In addition to the Hebrew names, I also included a few names chosen because of Yael’s phonetic preferences.
Harlow. English, “rock hill.” Ranked #238 for girls in the US. Definitely not a Jewish name, but one that I was drawn to because it seemed to combine several sounds that were trending in your existing list of options. The most famous bearer was a glamorous Hollywood actress from the 1930s, Jean Harlow, so if that’s your vibe, might be worth considering if this one fits.
Kai. Hawaiian, “sea.” Ranked #61 for boys and #940 for girls in the US. A culturally diverse name (Hawaiian is the language that it’s most often associated with, but it’s also got roots in Swahili, Yoruba, Turkish, Chinese, Navajo, and many other languages). It’s quite masc-coded for kids but I could see people coming in with fewer assumptions when considering it as an adult’s name.
Marlow. English, “driftwood.” Not ranked in the top 1000 in either country, though Marlowe ranked #836 for girls in the US. Like Harlow, a name I put on the list almost entirely because of its sound: it’s got a modern, androgynous feel that seems like it might hit some of the notes you’re going for.
Zara. Hebrew, short form of Zachariah, “God remembers,” possibly a form of Sarah, “princess,” or Arabic, “blooming flower.” The last name that includes the AR sound that you liked so much in your original list, and one that I feel like strikes the perfect note of being a little bit distinctive but still familiar and accessible.
When I sent Yael their report, I expected that would likely be our last interaction. I hadn’t considered that unlike expectant parents, someone naming themself doesn’t necessarily have a fixed timeline. So I was surprised when Yael reached out to me a few days after receiving their report asking if I could provide a few more names collected with a different angle. As often happens when adults are considering a big life decision, they’d processed my feedback, considered their options, and decided to explore a different direction.
This time, they asked for a focus on additional names that drew only on their etymological and phonetic preferences—names I thought they’d like based on sound and meaning. So I put together two lists. The first, which I’m not reproducing here for privacy reasons, was a list of regional names, connected to the place where they live—drawing on their adopted home state’s flower and bird, and on stories from the state. The other list drew on names with meanings they’d asked me to focus on: wisdom, light, or strength. Here’s that list, with only minor alterations from its original form:
Alaya. Arabic, "exalted." Ranked #408 for girls. I put this one in almost entirely on the basis of its sound; it has a similar vibe to names that I remember appearing on your original list.
Athena. Greek, goddess name derived from the city of Athens. Ranked #76 for girls. There's a reason this name's been flying up the charts for the last decade or so: Athena was the Greek goddess of wisdom, crafting, and tactical warfare (specifically the brains part: Ares/Mars handled the rage and blood part).
Audrey. English, "noble strength." Ranked #74 for girls. A name that's gotten very popular in the last 20 years, breaking into the top 100 for the first time since the 1930s. A lot of that is the interest in "Old Hollywood" glam that's embodied by Audrey Hepburn; there's also, of course, the campy characters from Ashman & Menken's Little Shop of Horrors who could serve as either inspiration or disincentive.
Dara. Hebrew, "pearl of wisdom"; Slavic, "gift"; Punjabi, "leader"; Irish, "oak tree"; Persian, "wealthy"; or Khmer, "star." (or several others: check 'em out here). Ranked below the top 1000, given to 107 girls and 29 boys. In Ireland, this is a boys' name; in the United States it's largely a girls' name. It appears in Hebrew scriptures as the name of one of the wisest men in the world who wasn't quite as wise as Solomon.
Gavi. Hebrew short form of Gavriel, "God is my strength." Ranked below the top 1000, given to 18 boys. Gabriel, of course, was/is the messenger archangel, so there's some associations with communication in this name, too. This short form has more energy than the longer versions and is clearly Israeli-flavored while still being very accessible.
Minerva. Latin, "intellect." Ranked below the top 1000, given to 93 girls. The Roman name for Athena, but significantly less popular to the modern ear. Maybe because of the Harry Potter connection (which I know would be a deal-breaker for some folks); maybe because the most obvious nickname is Minnie which is still too "mousey" for many. But it's got a sharp modern sound--that V is very, very "on trend"--and all the same up sides as Athena in terms of a classical role model.
Phoebe. Ranked #191 for girls. Greek, "radiant shining one." This name, for all its Friends-adjacent cultural baggage, actually comes from one of the names for the god Apollo--Phoebus was the name given to him as the sun god. So it's definitely got solid shining history. It's also a bird name.
Sage. Latin, "wise and knowing." Ranked #143 for girls and #422 for boys. The first name that came to my mind when I was considering wisdom names for you; it's a nature name, genuinely androgynous, and also has deep cultural associations with wisdom to the point of being a synonym for wise. If it appeals to you I feel like it could be almost perfect.
When I started working with Yael, I knew that working with an adult choosing their own name would be different than working with prospective parents. I hadn’t anticipated how fun and rewarding it would be to be able to go deep with a client on finding a name that resonated not with some distant idealized image of a child-to-be, but with the person they already knew themselves to be.
I hope that Yael enjoyed the experience as much as I did, and that they’ve found a name that strikes just the right note.
If you’ve got an interesting Name Story you’d like to share, feel free to reach out!
Many of my Name Stories reflect the work I’ve done with clients through my consulting business (in the process of rebranding and jumping websites as of this writing; currently imperfectly available at Ipseity Baby Name Consulting): all stories are posted here with permission. I’ve been working as a name consultant for almost eight years and have dozens of satisfied clients. If you know someone who’s looking for the perfect name—for themself, their child, or someone or something else—please feel free to send them my way.
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I think this is my favorite post of yours by far.
Absolutely fascinating - thank you 😊